Albufeira – Life According to TJ

I have Invented the World I see

April 14, 2021 Steph TJ

I’ve been reading ‘A Course in Miracles’, which is a bit hard going and much of which goes over the top of my head. There is a workbook to go alongside it, which is basically a statement a day which you ponder upon. One of which was ‘I have invented the world I see’. Like most days my initial thought was ‘don’t be so daft, of course I haven’t invented the world I see’.

But as the day wore on, I had moments of ‘oh, perhaps I have’.

Like my dad, I have an Olympic standard ability to spot the negative in everything that I see, so it’s highly unlikely that I will ever see a positive version of the world. Why go with the positive when you can glean a negative out of a situation. I assume the worst in every situation which means you don’t often get disappointed! Likewise, I very rarely get excited by anything.

I also have a habit of projecting into the future – of how things might turn out – sometimes in technicolour and mostly with a negative flourish. Oddly, things never quite pan out like I envision and I certainly haven’t won the lottery and believe you me I know what that would look like, and, how different situations will play out.
Until fairly recently I was mildly terrified of the world due to my anxiety, but I never let that stop me from doing things. I rarely think, I just do which is how I found myself on a boat in the Atlantic Ocean about to go para-sailing. Clearly, if I’d thought about it, I wouldn’t be doing it, but where’s the fun in that!

Despite being so negative I do have an unfailing belief in people and their ability to be nice and do the right thing. Often, I am disappointed, but my default is always that there is good in everybody.

All of these are factors which influence the world I see, or the world I have invented. My initial reaction also went along the lines of ‘as if I’d invent living in lockdown’, but realised it’s not necessarily about Covid and other events beyond my control, it’s as much about how you deal with those events

I think I might be overthinking and getting carried away, but also thought about how choices in my life have led to this point and how that has enabled me to invent the world I see. How many choices do we make in life that lead us down a path and that path is a version of the world and influences how we view that world?

So, I am currently coming out of lockdown in Portugal. In an apartment near the ocean. An apartment that husband and I chose after looking at several. In a town that we chose after coming on holiday here. As a consequence of that choice when I finished teaching, we were able to spend more time here and as a consequence of Covid we decided to try spending even more time here. This is just one of many choices I have made in life, some very good, some not so good, a few that were downright ropey, but they have all led me to this point and the version of the world I see. I read a book ‘The Four Agreements’ by Don Miguel Ruiz, one part in particular really struck home:

“We only see what we want to see, and hear what we want to hear. We don’t perceive things the way they are. We have the habit of dreaming with no basis in reality. We literally dream things up in our imaginations” (Ruiz, p64)

All of us have a different version of the world we see, and our choices have created that version, some deliberate choices, some choices that have been forced upon us. For example, I didn’t choose not to have children, but as a consequence of that I made other choices: to go into teaching, to move back to Stoke-on-Trent for a while. If I’d had a child, it’s unlikely I would have met my current husband and if I’d not met him, we wouldn’t now be sitting out Covid in an apartment in Portugal.

It’s not very often we think about the choices we made. I was chatting to my sister recently and I was telling her about my latest degree. I signed up with the Open University to study a degree in Classics but might swap to English Literature. The thought of either made my sister’s toes curl – but for me the thought of studying science and maths makes me weep – and this goes right back to school. I chose essay based, flouncy subjects at A level in particular, she chose maths and science. It follows on then that she qualified as a physiotherapist and I did a degree in History and Politics. She lives in the countryside, I am a city girl. We’re from the same family, but due to choices we’ve made our versions of the world are very different.

Then off we go down the rabbit hole of life. But I found it quite fascinating. How many people there are on this planet and each one sees the world differently. That’s a lot of inventing.

Albufeira, Happiness, Joy, Mindfulness, Reading, Well-being

Where is the joy?

June 16, 2019June 16, 2019 Steph TJ

As I have mentioned previously I am doing the Happiness Project Experience this year. June is the month of Play! As adults play becomes less acceptable and becomes lost in the detritus of life, but having read around the topic for the past couple of weeks I can see how important it is, and particularly what a difference it makes to me and my engagement with the world.

This is perfect timing for me. Many of the books I’ve read on anxiety and how to manage it have focussed on being ‘with’ the anxiety – acknowledge it is there, without judgement and appreciate it is a part of me. The problem is I have been ‘with’ my anxiety to too great a degree and I have actually been spiralling further into its dark depths. I’d already started to think that this had to stop and I had to engage with life in a fuller and more light-hearted way. Although, I have to confess I had no idea how much had been written on this subject and I have well and truly been sucked down a bright, joyful rabbit hole in my desire to learn more!

I pulled a book off my shelf, ‘Living out Loud’ by Keri Smith. As with all the other books I’ve read it asks the question ‘What did you love to do as a child? What activities allowed you to lose all sense of time and space’? For me it was make-believe, dolls-houses, Sandy dolls, cars (my mum’s mantel piece made a great multi-storey car park), painting, colouring, making anything with my Grandad and as I got older knitting and sewing. Quite often the start of a school holiday meant a visit to Bratt & Dykes in Hanley for some fabric and a pattern.

It’s almost as if the cogs of the wheel were lining up to fall into place, to point me in the direction of play and with it, joy. As I flew from Bristol to Portugal I listened to Fearne Cotton interviewing Maisie Williams on her Happy Place Podcast. Maisie referred to a book ‘Ikigai‘ by Hector Garcia. I’ve not read the book (yet), but the way she explained it is that there are 4 aspects of life, when they overlap you will be happy. One of the four – and the one that most resonated with Maisie Williams was to do something that you love every day. It got me thinking. What do I love to do and how can I fit it in to my everyday life.

Finally I started reading ‘Joyful‘ by Ingrid Fettell Lee. She has identified 10 ‘aesthetics of joy’. I’m not yet halfway through the book yet but the things that have stood out for me are:

Abundance: Not as in having too much of anything, rather, having variety. One example she gives is that of a small child who chooses their own outfit – spots, stripes, bright wellies on a sunny day – you get the idea! An example of my own is a day on the beach – the sand, the sea, the umbrellas, the people laughing, people in the sea, boats, the waves, the people on the bouncy inflatables – there is always something happening that involves most of your senses at that time and provides multiple reasons to laugh out loud. I could spend hours just sitting watching the world go by.

One aspect of Abundance I found interesting was the relationship with food. More often than not, when you turn to food it is because your brain is lacking stimulation. I have decided to use this approach with online games – I know when I am playing them it’s because I’m bored and I also tend to start snacking at the same time. So I’ve started to put the tablet down and to pick something up that I know will bring me joy – make a cup of tea, read a book, do some crochet, make something – something that I really will lose myself in.

colorful umbrellas — Photo by Katelyn on Pexels.com

Colour: I used to love colour – in everything. Most of my clothes were those taste-transplant clothes that you see in the shops that no one in their right mind would buy! It was me – I bought them! Somewhere, when my need to fit in was at it’s peak, the colour seeped out of me and I became Mrs Navy & White. Colour changes everything, in your wardrobe and your home. The current trend is for muted tones in homes, and it would be fair to say that I haven’t quite mastered that one! Our home is mis-matched at best, but since we recently downsized, everything we do have provides us with joy.

Play: Play means different things for different people. Some things that people love to do, I really don’t enjoy, but likewise there are things I love to do that other people don’t. I’m not a fan of big dinner parties, but I love eating out with small groups of friends. I love playing in orchestras and bands, but hate playing solos. When I look back to my childhood it didn’t really matter to me if I was on my own or in a group – it was the activity I was involved in that was the cause of joy – that allowed me to lose myself in the moment. Play is increasingly being identified as something that people need – sadly it would appear that the age at which children stop playing, or believe that it is in appropriate, is getting younger and younger as the pressure to achieve academically is increasing.

So, how can I introduce more play, more joy into my life?
I’ve started by posting on instagram one thing each day that brings joy into my life. Despite all the evidence to the contrary – things can bring joy. Marie Kondo is on to something here! Where it goes pear shaped is when you start to buy things for the sake of buying, for the gratification you get from buying it (generally, short-lived) rather than the joy it brings in the long term. Equally, you can get joy from the world around you – the one thing that brings me joy more than anything is looking at the stars at night. This is having the knock-on effect of encouraging me to look around me – what are those things that bring me joy – so I am engaging more with the world and people I’m with.

I’ve started to listen to music every day. As the song says, “Music was my first love”. When I worked I got ready to the radio every morning, had the radio on in the car to and from work and generally listened to music far more than I do now. So I’m making a point of listening to music every day, trying new music, singing along to old classics, even throwing in the odd move or two.

I’m trying to bring more colour into my life! I’m trying to move away from the navy and white, by adding in little additional bits of colour with scarves, ear-rings and bold coloured shoes or bags.

I’m trying to make something every day. I love making things. I spot things all the time in shops that I think I could make just as well. This month I am having a go, rather than just thinking the thought. I’m practicing calligraphy; I want to learn how to copy dress patterns from the Portuguese pattern books; I’ve seen some key-rings that I thing I could copy, make and leave as gifts for people stopping at our apartment this summer; I have some beautiful fabric that I brought in Seville that I’d like to make into a dress.

I’ve realised that I love yoga. Play can mean anything to different people, as can exercise. For me, yoga and exercise counts as play, it’s something that I do and that I love. I don’t consider it a chore, but a key part of the day and something that brings me joy – I’m not particularly good at it, but I really do love it and embrace it with gusto!

Obviously, I’m still drinking cups of tea! Nothing brings joy quite like a nice cup of tea!

I have to say, that after only 2 weeks it has made a difference to the way I feel. Rather than continually looking in, I am looking outward and seeing the joy in the world. I am looking for opportunities add joy and play to my days and I have to say I am enjoying myself! For the first time in a long time, I can honestly say I am enjoying myself!

Albufeira, Bristol, Happiness, Walking

Changeover Week!

May 19, 2019 Steph TJ

But these weeks are also very exciting as we remember what it is that we so love about each of the places we are fortunate enough to live in. I have talked about the contrasts between the two places before – but this time coming from Albufeira to Bristol seems to have been more extreme.

Two lots of cleaning, it’s a bizarrely northern thing I suspect. I spend hours cleaning one apartment so that it’s nice to come back to, and then spend the first day back cleaning – even though nothing has happened in the apartment whilst we were away. This time the cleaning took on additional focus as a relative will be staying in our Portuguese home whilst we are in Bristol – so I have discovered yet another level of clean – ‘relative that isn’t your parents, sister or nephews’ clean!

The last time we came was for a flying visit so that I could go on the Hen weekend in Bath, so I barely had any time to spend in Bristol and so didn’t fully appreciate it. This time we have come back for the wedding – which I am very excited about and we are here for a few weeks. Husband did ask me last week what it was I was most looking forward to about being here and it was the wedding. Now I am back here, I realise there was so much more that I miss about Bristol.

Bristol is home. Despite my best efforts to make our Albufeira apartment as homely as possible, without moving lock, stock and barrel, there are ‘things’ in Bristol which make it home. For a start there is my wedding bouquet which I made from Coalport brooches; then there are my Grandad’s books along with his certificates proudly displayed on the wall, as they have been since 1945 I imagine; my Nana’s vase and balloon lady; the dog’s radio (the dog passed over 2 years ago now, but for some reason that radio which never gets used survived downsizing); the gifts I received from good friends at my first wedding and were the treasures I took with me when I left; the daft bits and bobs that my sister has bought me for Christmas over the years. It’s not just about me, there are ornaments from my mother-in-law’s home, things that she loved and which are of sentimental value to my husband. There are other bits and pieces that represent our life together as well as those we separately bought to our home – silly little things that make a home.

Of course, there are our friends. We were fortunate enough to have lots of friends visit us during our stay in Albufeira, including the mother of the bride at the forthcoming wedding and it is so lovely to be able to catch up with them again. Or last meal in Albufeira was at an excellent restaurant, The Country Cockerel Kitchen, with our good friend Graham Evans amongst others. We also have reservations at a couple of beautiful restaurants in Bristol during this stay, along with a visit to the ‘Mighty Gate’ to watch Take That! Food, in particular, is one thing that both husband and I genuinely miss when we are in Portugal. The choice in Bristol is immense and so varied. Already this week we’ve eaten falafel from Eat a Pitta, (nothing in Albufeira has come close to the standard of these falafel) had Caribbean food from the Friday street food market outside St Nic’s market, gone along to the farmers market on Whiteladies Road. Whilst the food in Albufeira is lovely and there is a wide choice of good quality restaurants, nothing really compares to the variety on offer in Bristol – much of which is relatively cheap and of outstanding quality.

Bristol is generally a fantastic, vibrant, diverse place to be. There is no ‘normal’ that I can identify. People are just themselves, content in the knowledge that it’s ok to be who you want to be, but nobody bats an eyelid, nobody feels the need to conform. Vintage and second hand shopping is as popular as high street shopping as people hunt for unique pieces that will set them apart from the crowd. I know that I myself feel more relaxed here and under less pressure to fit in. I’ve recently watched a programme on Netflix, ‘Call to Courage’ with Brene Brown. One thing that really struck a chord with me is that fitting in isn’t the same as belonging. When you try to ‘fit in’ you change aspects of yourself to make yourself more acceptable, more popular, more normal. When you belong, you can just be yourself. I belong in Bristol, I ‘fit in’ in Albufeira and that, in a nutshell is the key difference. I’ve always been a bit quirky, a bit of a lone wolf and during the last years of my teaching I lost my individuality a bit. It’s beginning to come back now, and when I am in Bristol I truly feel I can be myself, without judgement, no matter how bonkers that might be.

Yesterday, I had a fantastic morning walking the length of one of the main routes in Bristol. From Wild Oats, a health food shop at the top of Whiteladies Road, right down to the library on College Green, past the beautiful Will’s Building which dominates Park Street. Along the way I encountered most of what Bristol has to offer, including a walk for Crohn’s and Colitis, and a motorbike rally raising awareness of Soldier F. Bristol is loud and busy, with a constant soundtrack of cars, buses, sirens, skateboarders, late-night revellers, the slush puppy wheelbarrow man, all set in a backdrop of the old city. I love it here and would be sad not to be able to experience it any more.

IMG_20181118_103138411_HDR — Wills Building

Albufeira, Happiness, Mindfulness, Portugal

Stuck in a Rut

May 12, 2019 Steph TJ

I find myself in a rut. As you know, I retired a few years ago at the ripe of age of 44 and since then have been trying to find my place in the world.

Recently a number of things have happened, which have made me reassess the situation. Sadly, a upsettingly high proportion of our friends and acquaintances have been diagnosed with advanced cancer, some of whom have been working so incredibly hard for a retirement they may never get to take. That’s really sobering and is the one thing that really hit home for me. I gave up work so that husband and I could enjoy retired life together whilst we both had our full faculties. But I haven’t been doing that, I haven’t been enjoying retirement. I’d like to be able to tell you what I have been doing – but I think basically it amounts to moping. Moping and moaning.

The thing is, I really don’t have any reason to moan or mope. I have an amazing opportunity and, quite frankly, I am wasting it.

Recently, as I flew home to Bristol for a hen weekend, I listened to Fearne Cotton interview Russell Brand on her podcast ‘Happy Place’ and it really struck a chord. Brand has written a book ‘Freedom from our Addictions’ based on 12 step programme, of Alcoholics Anonymous fame, which, he argues, could be applied to any aspect of life. But the absolute first step to changing anything is to acknowledge there is a problem / area of concern / area of development and to own it.

So, I am stuck in a rut. And I am moping and moaning.

This was followed by a run for a bus! The bus stop is right outside the hairdressers, but, due to roadworks was suspended. As I stepped out of the hairdresser the bus was just stopping at the lights to the roadworks. This meant I had the time it took for the traffic going the other way to go through the lights and the time it took for the bus to get from its current position to the next stop to run for the bus. If I didn’t catch this bus I would have had to wait 20 minutes for the next one. So I ran to the next stop, probably about 500 metres further up the road. I made the stop in time to reach the back of the queue and then quietly died. I could barely breathe and it took a good 20 minutes of the 25 minute bus journey home. This really shocked me. Whilst I’ve never been thin, I’ve always regarded myself as being fit and have used exercise as a strategy for managing a range of health issues throughout my life.

Scrap cushions! — This week, rather than waste time, I made these two cushions from scrap fabric I had at home.

So the blocks have been building:

I’ve been wasting an opportunity
I have an area of concern I’d like to address
Evidence would suggest that I am currently the least fit I have been in a long time.

I could make excuses:

I only respond to deadlines
I don’t have enough time
I don’t have the money to do the things I’d like to
I split my time between two places
Husband would rather I spent the time with him

All of them are total rubbish.

There are no deadlines and I am naturally inclined to put off to tomorrow – but it’s not an excuse.
I have more than enough time – I can waste time with ease. I waste so much time it’s frightening.
The majority of things I’d like to do more of – like cycling, walking or running don’t actually require any money.
I can easily do the things I would like to in two places with minimal effort.
Husband would rather I did the things that made me happy and would be very upset to know I was using him as an excuse.

The key points of the day where I lose time are after lunch and dinner. I get sucked into games (they are designed to do that – but still an excuse) and before I know it the day has disappeared. I am going to try to be more mindful and when I spot the boredom or lethargy set in I am going to make a conscious decision to do something constructive. There are a million and one things I could do in that time – sewing, knitting, crochet, swimming, cleaning, ironing, baking, reading, learning, even writing blog posts.

So, I owe it to myself, my husband and my friends to fully embrace this opportunity that I find myself in and throw myself wholeheartedly into retirement.

Lunch with a view — This week, husband and I went to have lunch at Porto do Abrigo, an amazingly tranquil restaurant overlooking the fishermans marina

Albufeira, Bristol, Food and drink, Portugal

Compare and Contrast

February 10, 2019February 10, 2019 Steph TJ

I am in the very fortunate position of spending my life living in two amazing places; Albufeira in Portugal and Bristol, United Kingdom.

We are often asked how it is we can bear to live in such a busy place as the centre of Old Town in Albufeira, especially as it gets busier in the summer months. It gets louder – with music from the bars going on into the early hours of the morning. There is more traffic and there are way more people. Yes, our home is in the middle of all of this, but it’s set back on a little side street, away from the hustle and bustle – so we are sort of in the midst of things, but also out of it, on a small one way street that leads to nowhere. We consider it relatively quiet, especially when you compare it to our home in Bristol.

You couldn’t really get more of a contrast. We have made our home right in the centre of town, in about as busy a spot as you could probably find. Buses run all day and also through the night. We are surrounded by office blocks and student accommodation and often when we are awake in the night are treated to the most amazing choirs. Most of us have belonged to such a choir at some point in our time – the choir made up of people on their way home from the pub, confident in the knowledge that they are the best singers EVER! We’ve had Oasis, Aha, The Three Tenors, you name it, we’ve probably heard it and each time, you just can’t help but smile!

In Albufeira we have the beaches. One right on our doorstep, but then other smaller, secluded beaches all along the coast. We have the changing colours of the sea, the differences in the waves and the tides, every day is a different view – something will have changed. When the tourists arrive all with their different coloured beach umbrellas it brings a real sense of excitement to the town, particularly at the beginning of the season. Then in Bristol we have the harbourside. So busy and bustling, with the brightly coloured boats, floating happily besides great boats such as the Matthew and the SS Great Britain. We have Gromits, Gorillas and Shaun the Sheep standing to attention, there is even a crocheted crocodile in homage to the crocodile of Bristol that apparently makes his home in the harbour!

In both locations you have the old next to the new. One of my favourites in Bristol is the view of the Church of St John on the wall, part of the original old city walls, right next to iconic pieces of street art, ‘Where the Wall’ and ‘The Vandal’. Obviously we also have Banksy. So much so that I don’t even notice them anymore – they are just part and parcel of every day life. Clearly not in the same league, but in Albufeira several of the electricity boxes have been covered with pieces of street art which reflect the heritage of the town. Our apartment sits within the original city walls, yet within 5 minutes you are right in the centre of the newer square, and all of the bars and restaurants. One of my favourite times of year in Albufeira is Easter. It’s still very much a religious festival in Portugal with processions all across the Easter weekend – through the hoards of tourists there to enjoy the sun.

And as for food! Both places provide a huge variety of cuisine that vary in Italian, Indian, Chinese, Portuguese, Vegan, Tapas. In Bristol we have the added benefit of street food, that really does cover every nationality, including Caribbean. In Albufeira if you dig deeply enough – well actually – not all that deeply at all, just leave the main tourist areas you can find some outstanding food at reasonable prices. You might not get a wide choice, but the quality is something else. Likewise in Bristol, there are just some amazing restaurants, popping up all over the place, some of which are housed in small cargo sheds. In Bristol it’s really hard to find middle of the the road chain restaurants, we are a picky lot and like our food to be high quality and independent and we will pay. Equally in Portugal – you can find the middle of the road, microwaved meals, but walk around the back streets and you will find so much more, fantastic little independent restaurants, run by families who are so very enthusiastic about their food and your experience with them really matters.

So, all in all, the two places aren’t all that different – barring the weather obviously! I’m incredibly fortunate to have the opportunity to experience the contrasts.